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Tempers, Aprons and
compelled to make a comment about
“I wondering,” it said in its loud voice, somewhat like a muf ed tuba, “What you really doing?”
Whisp’s particularly bizarre physi- Fish cal features. The large gourmand
By Richard Soloyna
The gloved hands of William Lutz were clasped rmly around his shing pole, steadily anticipating the arrival of a sh. Fishing required an even temper, a calm mindset, and a bucketful of patience...none of which he had. It didn’t make any sense to him. Here he was, a fully-grown and capable knight, sitting in a shoddy excuse for a boat while attempting to catch a creature roughly as intelligent as a rubber stopper. Lysander and the princess Altima had gone off to “look for rewood” (Firewood indeed; he didn’t believe a word of it). Much to his dismay, Master Glaucus, at the rather tactless order of Winrey, had ac- companied her to search for monkeys in a nearby forest. David had skulked away to somewhere else that suited his tastes, and Athena had insisted on following him (“I want to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone!”), which left Lutz alone to sh with a giant, apron- clad...it. S/he was well-accepted to
be without gender—a fact that struck Lutz as extremely disturbing—and now that same thing sat with him in the boat, lowering its tongue into the water and waiting intently for prey of
reminded him somewhat of a child’s toy—that is, a toy that would give any child in sight nightmares for the rest of their lives. “I’m simply giving you a suggestion.”
“I’m using my pole as a
metal detector to locate treasure,” he said, greatly antagonized, “Honestly, Whisp! What does it look like I’m do- ing? I’m shing, for goodness’ sakes!”
its own. Whisp made a noise that sounded a bit like “ehh!” and ipped its mighty tongue upwards, sending ve small sh ying into the sky. “Good catch for me,” it said proudly, clamoring to grasp all of the animals and put them into a small pail special- ly reserved for whatever was caught.
“Yeah, well...” David, as usual, looked bored beyond human comprehension.
“Try to be a bit less slovenly,” Lutz said irritably, using one hand to wipe a trail of slime from his armor. ve.” “You catch no sh. I have
“I’m sure they’d take some time to listen to you if you got their attention.” She looked about the forest, paying careful attention to her sur- roundings. “I believe we were some--” Her claw-like feet came to a dead halt on the ground. “...Do you hear some- thing?” Sure enough, two faint voices could be heard through the thick trees and clumping brush:
“I fail to see the analogy.”
“Oh, so this is MY fault now? I’m certain YOU’D be able to catch scores by yourself!”
“You no say me messy till you catch sh!”
“I sick of you! All you ever do is complain!”
Lutz was a proud man, and the more childish part of him was
2008/2009
“You need suggestion too.” Whisp’s button-like eyes squashed together in slight disdain. “But I not say anything!”
“You have no sh. That not shing.”
Lutz’s voice oozed with asper- ity. “Well, why don’t you? I’m sure I could use your vast wisdom.”
This was just about all he could take. One more remark out of that apron-clad, overweight, toy-like monstrosity and it would never live to see another sunrise. “I’m shing with minimal success.”
“First, you concentrate on sh. Stop thinking about lady knight.”
harder.”
“Need more success. Fish
“I beg your pardon!?”
“I spend time in Alade, too. I know things.”
“HARDER!?” That was
it; he’d had been pushed over the edge. He jumped upwards and threw the pole into the water. “I’ve had ENOUGH of--”
He reddened slightly and clenched his hands so tightly the pole he was holding nearly snapped. “...I neglect to comment...”
“You rocking boat! Watch out!” Whisp leaned forward to keep the boat steady, but it was too late. Lutz had already forgotten the lack of a stable surface beneath their feet and overturned the stopgap vessel, sending the sh and the shers into the water.
“Then sh.”
“What does it look like I am
doing?”
“Holding pole in boat. Think sh.” Lutz sighed and decided to take the advice. Indeed, he was proud, but he was also reasonable, and at this rate they would never have enough for dinner. Lutz closed his eyes and paid attention to the task at hand. Fish, he thought. I am thinking of sh. I am awaiting the largest and most power- ful of all sh. The sh and I share a deep spiritual bond. I am one with the sh. I am in calm harmony with the sh, waiting with utmost patience. The sh and I are together in all that is the Hilda. ...The Hilda? Take two, he thought.
Take twenty-four he thought angrily. I’ve sat here for at least a half hour in an (unsuccessful) attempt to focus my entire being on sh, and the...thing... next to me has almost lled the bucket. It was all very frustrating to him, but nothing was nearly as annoying as the fact that Whisp could probably not, in Lutz’s opinion, outwit a toaster.
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Athena nodded her head thoughtfully. “I agree with you on that...it makes sense for the most part. I just hope everyone else agrees.”
“Look now! We lose all sh!”